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Do You Wish The Worst For Your Ex?

# 1  11/21/11 4:06 PM

42

My friend split up a month ago after six years of marriage. She always was well disposed towards her ex- husband but
after the divorce everything has changed. Her ex is now involved with the other lady much younger. So is it just natural
for us to feel a little strange and to wish the worst for someone we were involved with, when we find out that he or she
has moved on to another relationship, and seem happy? I wonder if we think that's healthy? Don't we have to let go
of the past before we can truly look towards the future?

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# 2  11/21/11 4:16 PM

81

I wish my ex well, and I’m even happy that everything took its course.
I am happy now to have a chance to find a new partner, so why shouldn’t I wish the same for my ex?

# 3  2/27/12 1:35 PM

518

Breaking up is never easy and there are lots of emotions involved (anger too). But just try to live your life and let your partner live his (or hers). Try to move on and fill the emptiness in your heart and soul with new activities, hobbies and maybe even new relationships

# 4  3/6/12 3:46 AM

2

When my girlfriend up and left me at first it was just pain. Then when she pretended she still wanted to be friends and just ignored me I got really angry. I hated her thought of the worst possible things but now i have moved on and hope her the best the pain isn't all gone but the emptiness is and I can accept all and really do hpe she finds a person who will love her. Not to say I don't want that for me too but hey I don't have anymore hard feelings.

# 5  3/6/12 7:28 PM

53

The best right here. They will always be part of our lives and helped us mature. http://imagicon.info/cat/12-17/licklips.gif

# 6  3/10/12 12:45 PM

4

I think it is natural to wish your Ex the worst initially because thats all part of the healing process.  Rememer, the breakup of any relationship is almost like greaving.  There are many emotions; anger,hate,resentment,love.   Your friend needs to go through all the initial emotions after the breakup in order for her to come to terms.  I'm having the same issues my self at the moment and I just hate my Ex and wish him nothing but the worst but I know inside me, I will eventually rise above these feelings and bounce back.  Hope this helps.

# 7  4/14/12 9:01 AM

2

i dont blame my wife for divorcing me after ten years of being together we was suppossed to be sparted for awhile just wish she had told me about wanting to date and i found out through other people when i asked her she lied about it said she was just trying to make me mad and i needed to quit spying her friend was telling me the stuff dont believe when your married its spying but it's in the past and i dont blame her i wish her the very best life i could not give to her and hope she finds love and hopefully she does not do it again to any other men

# 8  4/14/12 10:22 PM

2

Heart break. Even when your in a loving, committed relationship your heart will break many times because 1. your significant other fails to live up to your expectations of what they should or should not be doing, or 2. you fail at it instead. Your heart will break when lines are crossed and boundries are abused. Your heart will break when change occurs, or if stagnation can't be removed and romance rekindled.

What i have learned in my short lifespan and love experiences (and maybe some books that I have read too), is that love is not just a feeling. It's an action. And you have the choice to either love or not love anyone in your life... friend, family, foe, and lover. You choose who you want in and out of your life. Granted you can't choose who that person is in relationship to you (friend, family, etc). But you can CHOOSE to be in a loving, giving/taking (reciprocal) relationship with them.

Here's the key: THEY HAVE TO CHOOSE YOU TOO!

And when you choose each other that is when love-the-action matters more than love-the-feeling. Love as an action is more than just showing someone you love them. It's telling them, showing them, living it, proving it, doing it, being it, etc etc.

Love is more than a feeling. Act the part, be the part. If you love her SHOW her, tell HER, LOVE her. If you feel you have fallen out of love... SHOW/DO MORE "Love-like" actions...

Love-the-feeling can be rekindled by Love-the-action.

[Aside:

You might read this and hate me. Because you know I'm right.

But I am not going to sit here and ridicule people for choosing to divorce. That's their business. And many of the lines and grounds for divorce go WAY FARTHER than just this love thing. Usually the bases of divorce is more serious and many many levels of remediation and problem solving and trouble shooting have gone on over many years...

I'm not looking to Bash Divorcees.]

But say you choose to no longer love that person for WHATEVER reason. That's entirely up to you. Then you need to man/woman up and do it respectfully, humanly, responsibly, and maturely. Just SAY SO.

How hard is it to say: "Look, this isn't going to work out."
"I don't want to be with you."
"I can't see myself living/marrying/dating you in 5 years, so why draw this out?"
"Let's move on, this relationship doesn't feel like it's going anywhere good."
"I don't like where this is going. I need to leave."
"I have someone else in mind, better suited for me."
"I know this could work, but I don't have the time."

Whatever the reason. Be human enough to say so, BEFORE it becomes emotionally taxing!

But if that cannot be done, I know sometimes it can't be helped. Hearts will break. Both, actually. It's not very awesome to break up with someone you care about at all, not just romantically but friendship-wise too.

Here's my parting words of advice, and Looking-to-the-future-positively mindset....

When people split This is what it means, and this is all that it means (nothing more, nothing less): TOGETHER they didn't work and may have been bad, or awful together. But each INDIVIDUAL is not bad or awful alone. With other people, they have the opportunity to be GREAT and AMAZING. And this split up just brings them BOTH closer to finding their ONE!

# 9  4/22/12 8:59 AM

3

It is hard to break up with someone you've shared memories/good times/bad times etc with.
I think you should always wish your ex well, you need to let go and being angry/upset will only keep the feelings inside of you.

# 10  4/25/12 2:22 AM

17

Well personally I've been in a couple 5+ yr disasters where 2 of them have cheated on me and my initial reaction was probably the same as most, Heartache and tears for me but a new life for them but after the tears are gone and the pieces are swept up you have to look to your future. Its only fair to give the next person a fair chance and 100% of your attention right.

# 11  5/2/12 7:42 AM

1

i was in a relationship for five and a half years. he called it quits, but said he would still call to see how i was doing, and still come around occasionally.. now, he tells me he never wants to see or speak to me again.. i don't understand how you can change like that.. we broke up over stupid stuff.. kids argueing, etc. he claims i was the love of his life, and still loves me, but still wanted to break up.. i don't understand it, if two people love each other then why call it quits.

# 12  6/16/12 7:50 AM

1

no but, she already has ah boyfriend suppose to be getting married soon

# 13  6/20/12 4:51 AM

22

I was pretty bitter,hurt,and angry for the things my ex-wife did to me that certainly wouldn't qualify as marital bliss. However,it didn't take long for me to realize that all the negative energy wasn't doing me any favors,and I put it in perspective that everyone has free will whether it's to your liking or not. I turned the other cheek and parted on good terms. I got some satisfaction months down the road when I got a letter from her stating how bad she treated me and that she was sorry for the choices she made. I didn't take her back but,I will always wish the best for her in life. Do the right thing and you can go to sleep at night guilt-free.

# 14  8/25/12 11:00 PM

20

i used to be married for 7 years with my ex wife and  well my life story is it pretty well  hadent worked out between the both of us  for the years we wher married  and ther was tomuch disagreaments between me and her  and all the head achies and all the pain that went with it  and  the moral of it is that i have lerned from my mastakes  aswell  so it  was pretty good that we got devorced  because i know for a fact atleast thers more fish in the sea

# 15  8/29/12 12:41 PM

15

Do you wish the worst for your ex?

Certainly not, he is the father of our children and they will always be in his life. I wish the best for my ex and his wife and have become great friends.  We share our family get togethers with our children and grandchildren. I consider it unselfish, and satisfying to all concerned.

# 16  10/27/12 9:26 AM

16

I initally hoped my ex got hit by a bus... and lived.  Yes, it's a natural part of the grieving process.  Anger comes before acceptance.  I wish him well and hope he can be truly happy one day.  I hope he feels the same for me.

# 17  12/28/12 6:19 AM

12

I do not wish the worst for any of my exes. I married when I was just 18. We were to young and did not work out. We chat once in awhile. He is a good man and a great father to his children (not mine) My second husband, we split 2 years ago, is a good man. He is going through a horrible depression. I really really loved him and still do. I would give him any help that I could because he is still my best friend. I wish the best to all of my exes, serious and not. Just because mistakes were made and we didnt work out doesn't mean they deserve bad things.

# 18  12/28/12 7:21 AM

2

when i broke up with my ex i felt like he won the battle becuz he got away with a crime and he wasnt punished for it. Even tho i broke up with him the fact that he cheated on me made me angry  for quite sometime. I also used to wish he feels alot of pain just the way i did, time went by and i ran into him he looked very sad and had lost weight. when i noticed the difference in his appearance, i was very sorry for him all of a sudden i forgot all the hatred i had towards him. i asked what was wrong, he told me he has recently lost his job, had a baby with a girl he hardly knew and all the things that has went wrong in his life. I was so sad for him and i embraced him . I just wanted to share and say that even tho i wanted him to suffer , seeing him sad wasnt worth it.

# 19  6/9/12 12:35 AM

2

I think it's probably human nature to feel vengeful if you've been hurt by someone you love, some people deserve it whilst most of us don't. In my case my heartache is only self destructive, but with a little help from friends and family you pick yourself up, dust yourself down and get on with life the best you can, it's true what they say that you never know what's around the corner, hope it's someone nice. I'd love to hear about your revenge stories, I bet there's some great ones.

# 20  5/1/13 2:11 AM

1

Hello to u all i just like to add that i have been with my frist true Love since 1984 through 211 an we had a great Marriage un till we had our frist child in 1990 then that is where all shit broke out.i had my heart broken twice by my husband at the time i was married.but then we were doing good untill he couldnt keep up with the bills an the way the kids grew up so fast over the yrs.an they both had move out an on thier own.so back in 211 on decemeber that is whenhe decied to call it quiets an broke my heart for the third an fineal time.so he decied that he wanted out of our marriage of 21 yrs.that we both been tgeather.so we are not togeather anymore an he moved on with his life.an i had to move back in with my parents cuz of my ex wanted out of our marriage.an i had no where else to go or move to.an he ruiend my life.an hes moved on now.so i always prayed to god an tell him i hope he will get what comming to him.an im tryin my best to move on with a broken heart.but im always doing good an i do chill with my kids an gkids when i do see them.an i work 6 days an i do go some places.an keep busy.

# 21  6/5/13 2:21 AM

5

Actually I don't wish the worst for my ex, I just wish he hadn't used most of my money and ruined my credit while I was out of town.  He really doesn't feel he did anything wrong but I believe in Karma and so what comes around goes around.  I am getting back on my feet, still have my health, my job, and a place to live and can still take time to enjoy life.  Getting mad or trying to get even just hurts yourself, and usually backfires somewhere along the line anyway.  Life is too precious to spend it worrying or contemplating the worst for your ex.  Move on and live your life to the fullest and let go of the past is how I want to go.  It isn't worth all the pain and heartache remembering and wishing the worst for someone else.  Move on.

# 22  6/13/13 4:59 PM

2

beiker wrote:

The best right here. They will always be part of our lives and helped us mature. http://imagicon.info/cat/12-17/licklips.gif

It's good to hear someone (male) say they learned from a bad relationship... as most men tend to blame their exes for their faults or look at women in the wrong way.

# 23  8/26/12 2:31 PM

5

I did last night and very early this morning, but now i pity him cos he just needs help, anyone who can live their life as a constant liar needs help.  Im not prepared to help him though cos i dont think i could ever trust him again.  You dont just stop loving a person over night, but keeping myself active has helped today to take my mind off of the hurtful things that have happened which should by rights make me wanna kill him - sod him is what i say -tomorrow will be another new day x

# 24  8/27/12 6:36 PM

231

Let go and move on, not always easy, but you heal a lot quicker.

# 25  8/29/12 1:55 PM

8

do i hate my ex HELL YEAH he was a nightmare for 11yrs do i hate my ex HELL NO he was wonderful for 9 months changed my life yes i love him n miss him like hell but afta 11yrs of hell with the first one he showed me there is light at the end of the tunnel il only eva feel gratitude