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A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

# 1  3/9/13 12:34 PM

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative, he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services, he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services, he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing, even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration, he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing, although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist, all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist, all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector, all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

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# 2  3/9/13 1:49 PM

Screwed, tattooed, and hung out to dry.

# 3  3/10/13 3:01 AM

a man walked into a magic shop......have you anything,something fun for me.........the owner said,glasses £1000 but they are worth it....you see people naked..?..he put them on...sure enough,,he saw the owner,nude...his pretty assistant,walked in wow she was naked too............fantastic i will buy them..............he walked down the road.........the policeman was naked....a road sweeper no clothes at all..................he looked through shop windows every one naked........he thought what a brillant buy these glasses............            HE got home...on the sofa his wife naked,,walking into the room from the kitchen...his best friend naked...........................he laught out ....Wow .....this is wonderful..................he took his glasses off...........HIS wife ,his friend Still naked,,,???????????? .......he took his glasses ,,tossed them on the floor and stamped on them............he said......i paid £1000.....for these glasses...........????????and there broken already ,,,this is not my day..

# 4  3/10/13 8:11 PM

OMG!!! PMSL
That's really funny

# 5  10/10/13 12:41 AM

I'm a guy. Since when do we get anything right the first time?


  Begin each day like it was on purpose.


Relationships are for people who are waiting for something better to come along.